Back to Blogging- Adoption Story of the Girls!!!

Well, it's been far too long since I have made a post- which hopefully at least some of you have noticed :) We adopted TWO precious girls almost a year ago and they have kept me sooooooooo busy that I have neglected to record memories right when it was most important! So as our girls' "GOTCHA DAY" approaches, I wanted to record the story/timeline of events that God orchestrated that led us to the most amazing adoption we could have imagined.

First of all, after the second adoption failure and the move back to Katy, TX, we were matched a third time with a couple from Sulphur, Louisiana in Feb 2010 (birth mom's name was Kim). We spoke with them over the phone, texted a few times, and then drove over to meet them with Eloisa from the agency. They were incredibly sweet. Very young (20, 21ish?) already had twin girls that were (~2yrs old) and didn't think they could handle another child. They lived in a trailer with green mold on the outside (but neat and clean on the inside) and a muddy yard/driveway. We went to lunch and they paid for it (Eloisa said that was a first!) and their twins were precious. I held one of them and fed her, to which she would say "thank you!" adorably after every bite I gave her :) About a couple of weeks after that, Kim stopped contact with me and then eventually texted to say that she just couldn't go through with placement. Another heartbreak. This match SEEMED like it was going to make the first two failures make sense! And yet, we could (in some sense) understand this birth mother's change of heart the easiest. This couple was MUCH more financially and emotionally stable than the first two birth moms we were matched with.

So, I moved on and just tried to surrender to God in the midst of heartbreak. I really felt like I had to completely let go of the joy-coming-from-ending-up-with-a-baby mindset (I had already done so to a large extent, but not 100%). I still definitely desired to become a parent, but I knew I needed to be fully content even if that never happened.

Then I saw Family to Family post on facebook that they had placed three siblings with a family, which I didn't even know they did (typically they only do adoptions of newborns). I felt such a strong leading of the Spirit that I didn't even ask Andy first (which is NOT like me)- I emailed them and told them if a situation like that arose in the future, we would take siblings. Andy and I had originally considered doing that from Russia (with a second adoption), so I figured, why not?

Funny thing was, after all of this happened, on March 14th, 2010, I got the most wonderful phone call of my life. I was on my way to register our vehicles in TX (headed to Richmond, TX) and pay taxes on them, when I really felt the Holy Spirit leading me to say a BIG prayer (we had just been talking about big/bold prayers in church). So I did- I prayed to God while I was driving down a two lane road that he would work something BIG out very soon that was immeasurably more than we could imagine and entrust us with a child soon. I kid you not; not even 30 minutes later, I was sitting there with my paper number in hand, waiting my turn, when the waiting was interrupted by a phone call from Debbie Seiler. A birth mom who had placed a newborn son with them six years earlier wanted to place TWO girls!! (a 2.5-yr-old, Nevaeh, who Debbie said Shelbie told her is half Hispanic, and a 2.5-month-old, Jaylea, who Shelbie said is half African-American; they are half sisters). Debbie wanted me to know if she should show Shelbie our profile. I called Andy and he said yes, so I called Debbie back to tell her that. I then called family members and a friend, Janet Yates, who was in the process of fostering-to-adopt two siblings- to ask her if she thought we were CRAZY to be thinking about this! She encouraged us to jump in the deep end and go for it :)

It turned out that Shelbie liked our profile and so Debbie gave me her number to ca

ll her (the next day, maybe)? I called her, but it was a bad time- her 7-yr-old Asia (who she didn't want to place) had just been in a car accident with an aunt in the Rosenberg area, and was getting stitches. We ended up talking a couple of nights later, and it was a pretty long phone call (about 90 minutes?) where she asked a lot of questions about me (why I wanted to adopt, how I would deal with a 'difficult' child- who didn't turn out to be difficult, would I promise to send her updates twice a year, etc,). I questioned her about her reasons for placing these two children; she said she was still very young- 22- and hadn't originally wanted any children, the dads and grandma weren't any help- but the main reason was that she LOVED them and didn't want them to "want for anything" (that she couldn't handle them in a parenting sense or provide for them the way she

thought they deserved). Wow- she had such strength to be doing this. And then she described them and said she would text me a picture of them, which she did after we hung up. WOW again- overwhelming how BEAUTIFUL they were- Nevaeh in front of a playground with her huge, gorgeous blue eyes, and tiny little Jaylea curled up on a pillow (profile view)- see pictures at right. After that phone call, it was a match and it was just a matter of figuring out when to do the transition because it involved doctor & dentist appointments and Shelbie and the girls were in Jourdanton (outside San Antonio) at the time and Shelbie needed to figure out when she could get off work to come here fora week. She also wanted to talk more about it with Asia before going through with placing the girls.

Meanwhile, I had a mission trip to Nome, Alaska planned in the middle of all this (3/18-3/26, 2010)- to work the at the Iditarod with a team from our former church in Lafayette, LA. Maxine & Debbie (from Fam to Fam) told me to go on the trip because they couldn't get the doctor appts for Nevaeh (Rebekah) scheduled until after the trip anyway. The original date Shelbie set to start the transition was Monday, April 5th, but it ended up happening even quicker than that. I got back from Alaska on Friday, March 26th, and I remember shopping for toddler furniture after church on Sunday, March 28th with Andy (preparing for Rebekah) and getting the call from Debbie that Eloisa would be going to Jourdanton the next morning to get Shelbie and the girls. WOAH! She had decided she needed to place them right away.

Thus, on MONDAY, MARCH 29TH, 2010, I picked up Andy early from work downtown and we headed to the office in Richmond to meet our TWO PRECIOUS GIRLS for the VERY FIRST TIME!!!!!!!!! I can still picture Jaylea (Norah) there in the swing in Maxine's office, and Nevaeh (Rebekah) saying hello in her cute, low voice and playing with several round peanut-shaped things that fit inside one another (painted like dolls). Of course one of the first things I did was give Shelbie a huge hug. I remember holding Norah for the first time, reading Rebekah a book, and her taking lots of pictures of everyone with our camera, giving Asia hugs and crying with her when she got upset, and then Andy suggesting that Asia could come home and stay with us and the girls for a night if she wanted to- for her to see that we would love these girls and take care of them well. We said goodbye to Shelbie and then we loaded into our Honda Element with THREE KIDS!!! Can you imagine?? Going from wondering if we'd ever become parents to driving home with three and adopting TWO?!? Our car didn't even have seats for five, so I sat on the rubber floor in between the front and back seats. Andy was driving, luckily, because I turned around at one point to see the two little ones asleep behind me and Asia asleep in the front seat, and I just started crying tears of overwhelming joy and gratitude that wouldn't stop. Shelbie's text after she (and we) drove away? "Please love them and be good to them." My response? "You can count on that. Promise."

¹ I will exalt you, my God the King;
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
² Every day I will praise you
and extol your name for ever and ever.

³ Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
his greatness no one can fathom.
⁴ One generation commends your works to another;
they tell of your mighty acts.
⁵ They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—
and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
⁶ They tell of the power of your awesome works—
and I will proclaim your great deeds.
⁷ They celebrate your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

⁸ The LORD is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and rich in love.

⁹ The LORD is good to all;
he has compassion on all he has made.
¹⁰ All your works praise you, LORD;
your faithful people extol you.
¹¹ They tell of the glory of your kingdom
and speak of your might,
¹² so that all people may know of your mighty acts
and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
¹³ Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.

The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises
and faithful in all he does.
¹⁴ The LORD upholds all who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
¹⁵ The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time.
¹⁶ You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

¹⁷ The LORD is righteous in all his ways
and faithful in all he does.
¹⁸ The LORD is near to all who call on him,
to all who call on him in truth.
¹⁹ He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;
he hears their cry and saves them.
²⁰ The LORD watches over all who love him,
but all the wicked he will destroy.

²¹ My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever. Psalm 145.

Moving

Well, I guess the next step in our journey to a child is to be back in Houston! Andy received word that he will be transferred to an ETC team at Chevron that does reservoir modeling- starting January 4th right after the holidays. Wow...I have to admit that it's difficult to move this much, but I know he won't have to do this his whole career- this may be the last move we do for a good number of years. It almost feels like we were just getting fully settled here! But we are so grateful to be moving back to Katy, where we have a wonderful group of friends that we left 2.5 years ago, and a great church home as well. We will miss friends in Lafayette and East Bayou tremendously! I feel especially bad about the fabulous friends here in Lafayette who have been so supportive about this adoption; threw us a shower, supported us when the bad news came (twice), and now I feel like I'm abandoning them before an adoption even happens :( I am so incredibly sorry. We will definitely have to come back to visit.

We can already see that it will be a positive thing to be back in the Houston area as far as the whole adoption situation is concerned, though. We'll be close enough to the agency to have the opportunity to meet the next birth mom in person before we agree to a match, and to form more of a relationship with her (if that's what she wants). We're still earnestly praying that one of the two unmatched birth moms (due in April and May) will choose us...

We went and looked at houses this past weekend, and found three that we really like. We put in an offer on the biggest of the three (in Cinco) on Monday evening, but the seller's realtor got back to us yesterday and said they can't agree to a close date of 1/5 (which is what we need- we're not allowed to close until 2010). So, we made an offer on our other favorite last night (in Grand Lakes)- we'll see what they say today!

Katy and Kingsland, here we come!!!

You're Not Going Under

I am constantly amazed at God's timing and the way He ties things together. Our pastor just taught on this passage last Wednesday, and then the weekly email I received from our former pastor in Illinois was on the same passage. The rest of what follows is Pastor James McDonald's 'Walk in the Word' weekly email- I don't want to take credit :) SO good...this verse in 1 Peter is incredibly encouraging to me.

"Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right." - 1 Peter 4:19

I've said it for years, there is nothing good that God brings into your life by way of transformation that He doesn't bring through the funnel of perseverance. If God can get that one characteristic into your life, He can truly make you what He wants you to be.
First Peter 4:19 encourages us with, "Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good."

Did you hear what you're supposed to do? Entrust your soul to your faithful Creator. God is faithful to you. He's got His hand on the thermostat. The fire will not get too hot. He's watching the depth gauge; this trial will not get too deep. God puts up the boundaries to your trials. "That's all. That's my daughter. I know what she can handle. Not that much. Not there. Not now." God protects His own. He will not allow you to be tried beyond what you are able to take. And in the middle of it all, He tells you to entrust yourself to His care.

God knows you better than you know yourself. You're not going to lose it; you're going to be okay. You don't know what you are capable of when you're resting in God's strength and not your own. You're going to get through this one way or another. It's not going to last forever and you will get through it - because God is faithful. He's not tired and He's not wondering when this is going to be over.

Reassure yourself, "I'm not going under." You can keep going for another day, another week because God is producing staying power in you. The ability to remain in that marriage - as hard as it is. The ability to remain in that job - as hard as it is. The ability to stick with it in that difficult circumstance - no matter what. If God can produce in you that staying power, He can give you everything else.

The good's not coming if you quit. Listen, God can get every characteristic of Christ into your life if He can just teach you to stay in the game.

~James McDonald, copyright Walk in the Word 11-2-09

"Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right." - 1 Peter 4:19, NASB. Another translation words it, "So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good" NIV. That's what Andrew and I are trying to do in the midst of the chaos- commit ourselves daily to live out our faith and trust in His plan, and continue "to do good."

Joy in Trials

These verses in James (one of my favorite books of the Bible) probably best describe what I know the purpose of all of these adoption trials is:

James 1:2-4, 12. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. James 1:2-4, 12.

God is definitely developing perseverance, showing us our faith is real and grounded, and teaching us that it is very possible to have joy in the midst of trials! What a valuable lesson that I am grateful to learn. We really are doing well, and life goes on- I had a Women's Ministry meeting on Fri night and then we hung out with our wonderful neighbors, we went to the UL Homecoming football game on Saturday and then had dinner (Old Tyme po' boys! YUM) with some great friends, and then a fantastic time at church and small group on Sunday.

My prayer: Lord, make Andrew and I mature and complete, lacking nothing. Help us to keep persevering through this trial and help us to keep choosing to have joy minute by minute and day by day. We love you and fully trust in your plan for us. We pray now for the baby who is meant to join our family in the future (who may be forming already!), that you would place a hedge of protection around that baby and the birth mother- that they would both be healthy. We also pray that you would bring this baby to a saving knowledge of you in the future. In Jesus' name, Amen!

PURE JOY!

Thoughts

Just thought I would share some scripture that I'm resting in today:

"Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act."~ Psalm 37:7, NLT

Psalm 10, (NIV)
1 Why, O LORD, do you stand far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
2 In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak,
who are caught in the schemes he devises.
3 He boasts of the cravings of his heart;
he blesses the greedy and reviles the LORD.
4 In his pride the wicked does not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God.
5 His ways are always prosperous;
he is haughty and your laws are far from him;
he sneers at all his enemies.
6 He says to himself, "Nothing will shake me;
I'll always be happy and never have trouble."
7 His mouth is full of curses and lies and threats;
trouble and evil are under his tongue.
8 He lies in wait near the villages;
from ambush he murders the innocent,
watching in secret for his victims.
9 He lies in wait like a lion in cover;
he lies in wait to catch the helpless;
he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net.
10 His victims are crushed, they collapse;
they fall under his strength.
11 He says to himself, "God has forgotten;
he covers his face and never sees."
12 Arise, LORD! Lift up your hand, O God.
Do not forget the helpless.
13 Why does the wicked man revile God?
Why does he say to himself,
"He won't call me to account"?
14 But you, O God, do see trouble and grief;
you consider it to take it in hand.
The victim commits himself to you;
you are the helper of the fatherless.
15 Break the arm of the wicked and evil man;
call him to account for his wickedness
that would not be found out.
16 The LORD is King for ever and ever;
the nations will perish from his land.
17 You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
18 defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more."

He is encouraging us and listening to our cry- in fact, He is not far off at all- He is holding us up and keeping our joy intact right now. We will forever pray for Rene, her baby girl, and Sherri and her baby, knowing full well that there is some reason that our paths crossed; praying that Rene and Sherri would turn from their troubled ways and find true peace in the salvation of our Lord through faith, especially for the sake of the two babies involved.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God" Ephesians 2:8

Hoping the Third Time's the Charm

This is the email I received today from the agency regarding hearing something from Sherri- finally.

Marianne,
Yes, he was home. He told me that Sherri is in a halfway house. He didn’t know the address but he did provide me with her telephone number. M called Sherri late Saturday afternoon and Sherri told her that she is trying to get her life back together and she is going to allow her aunt (her mother’s sister) to raise the child. She has decided to take this approach because adoption is permanent and she may want to parent this child in the future. Her aunt is going to give her this option; we would not. I am so sorry this has happened to you. Please know that we are working diligently to find you the right birth mother. Please call us if you have any questions. ~ D

Well, YES, adoption is permanent!! That's the idea- to place the child in a stable, permanent home that she can't provide. But could she not have decided that she wanted to parent this child herself before she chose us and strung us along for more than two months?! Okay, my ranting is over, promise. We're really thinking that after these two experiences (not getting to meet the birth mothers), we should meet the next birth mother in person before we agree to be matched with her; make her think through her intentions and feelings sooner. We're just praying that the next person we're matched with is much more honest and solid in their decision, and that she'll be much further along in her pregnancy before we're even involved! Read my prior post for more info. We are hanging in there- thank you for all of the kind emails, facebook posts, and prayers.

To everyone who has been encouraging us: "I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers." Ephesians 1:16

Acts 1:7- "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority."

Second Disappearing Birth Mother

Stunned is really the only word to describe how we felt when we got the news that this second birth mother who we were matched with disappeared as well. She was released from prison last Monday, 10/5, and the original plan was for the ladies from the agency to pick her up and help her move into one of their apartments right away. We had put together a care package for her and sent it off to the agency already (a letter from us, restaurant gift cards, magazines, books, a Bible, a book of puzzles, etc) to be given to her the day she got out.

She called the agency two days before she was released (Sat, 10/3) and said that her mother was going to visit and pick her up, they'd go shopping, and she'd come to the agency's apartments within a couple of days. They haven't heard from her since. They've tried calling her mother's cell, but it's been permanently disconnected, so they're taking that as a sign that Sherri (the birth mother) changed her mind. I don't think she'd had contact with her mother in a long time, and I don't think her mom originally knew she was pregnant. Seems a lot of things changed once she found out that she was, and my guess is that 'grandma' didn't want to lose a third grandchild. Sherri had already lost custody of one child to his father, and had placed another for adoption.

The agency is going to start showing our profile to other birth mothers (we're 'active' again) at this point, although at this moment, they have no unmatched birth mothers to whom they can show our profile. Wow- it's hard to understand God's plans sometimes, but that doesn't make them any less wonderful. What could be stranger than God in a manger, for example? We trust that his plans are perfect, and ours are not. But that doesn't mean this is easy. It's as though we've lost one baby the week she was to be born, and a second two months before. SO. DIFFICULT. We're trying to figure out what we're supposed to learn from this. Perseverance; definitely. Are we meant to be parents? Are we going the right route? Are we in God's will? We had thought so. I still think so. I really think He's using this horrible choice of the birth mother's to refine our trust, patience, and perseverance. From a worldly perspective, Sherri doesn't have any business with this child based on her prior record. Nonetheless, we'll be praying diligently for this child with the trust that God will use any bad experiences in his/her life to draw him/her closer to Him- and hopefully Sherri as well.

I just keep reminding myself of what a story of God's faithfulness we'll have to share with our future child someday- that both of these 'failures' brought us to them, and that they were no accident. No, indeed.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18